Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Black History Firsts You Absolutely Did Not Know

Dedrick “Slick” Lawrence - First person to wear a fur coat outside when it wasn't even cold.

Charles “Sweet Mac” Farnsley - First to call someone else a jive turkey.

TORNETTE PITTS: First to warp the time-space continuum by slapping somebody into next week.

Sequoia Brimley - First person to go straight to church on Sunday after leaving the club earlier that morning.

LOUISE PERKINS: First person to attempt to climb into a casket at a funeral.

Rodney “Hot Rod” McKenzie - First to tell someone that they play too much.

THADDEUS COLLINS: First person to wear a shower cap outside.

CEEPHUS MCCOY: First to ask for change back from a church collection plate.

George Watley - First person to sneak an entire dinner into a movie theatre.

Amelia Wooten - First to start a soul train line at a family reunion.

Mamie Woolridge - First to comment that the dead at a funeral looked “like he (was) layin’ there sleep.”

Carmen Bluitt - First to tell someone to pick his face up.

Edna B. Cash - First to refer to soap operas as “the stories.”

MAVIS BLACKWELL: First to use the phrase “the illustrious” to describe her pastor (i.e. - “I am a member of 1st Corinthian Leather Baptist Church where the illustrious P.J. Jones is the Pastor”).

Drew Graves - First to sell bootleg music and movies in barber shops and outside grocery stores.

TROY BOOKER: First to refer to a flavor of Kool-Aid as “red.”

Darneisha Andrews - First person to act brand new.

VIRGIL T. BANKS: First person to use the phrase “see, what had happened was…”

Johnston Green - First to refer to someone as “high yellow.”

Sandra Robinson - First person to keep her good jewelry in a Crown Royal bag.

Jamaica Masby - First to throw her hands in the air and wave them around as if she truly didn’t care.

Bennett “June Bug” McDaniels - Coined the phrase “My name is Bennett, and I ain’t in it.”

ADRIAN BARBER: First person to hang over 10 Little Tree car fresheners on the rear view mirror of his car.

Jefferson Clarks - Normalized the practice of shaking up a handful of sunflower seeds before eating them.

UMAR X (birth name: Tyrone Griswold): First black male militant to marry a white woman.

Roland Jones - Perfected the “make four cuts on the side to keep the middle from bubbling up” method of frying bologna.

Samuel “Sam Sam” Little - First person to eat a piece of food dropped on the ground after holding it up in the air and saying “God kiss it; devil miss it.”

Jonathan “Lil’ Johnny” Porter - First person to tell a woman he’d drink her bathwater.

EUGENE J.C. MILLSTON: First person to talk to the screen during a movie (a silent film entitled “Crafty Bawdy Ladies of the Night from the Outer Regions of Earth”).

Keisha Brentworth - First person to inform someone that sh*t don’t go up; prices do.

SHARON BYCK: First person to marry someone she met via Blackplanet.com.

Marquita Parker - First person to burn her child’s ears with a hotcomb while styling her hair.

TAWANDA DAVIS: First person to use hair gel to create baby hair all over her head.

Will Richards - First man to put something on his mama (i.e. - “TOUCH ME AGAIN AND WE GON’ FIGHT, MAN, I PUT THAT ON MY MAMA!”).

REV. W.J. SHANKLIN: Inventor of the church building fund

Neeka “Nee Nee” Hollsworth - First person to walk around like her booty don’t stink.

Joseph Foster - First to inform people that you can’t eat just anybody’s potato salad.

Etta Lee Green - First person to call somebody else “worsome.”

Rufus Wellsley - First man to shoot someone over a game of spades

VERNON MCDANIELS: First person to eat a Miracle Whip sandwich.

Shameka King - First person to use the phrase “than a mug” to describe something (i.e. - “It is colder than a mug out here!”).

Tyrone Clayburn - First person to refer to someone as a “play cousin.”

Raynard Mack - First person to put a utility bill in a child’s name.

JOHNNIE MAE WILKINS: First person to proclaim herself “too blessed to be stressed.”

Georgia Buston - First person to attempt to heal a broken limb with Robitussin and a Band-Aid.

WILLIE LAMBERT: First man to slap the taste out of somebody’s mouth.

Jerrica St. John - First woman to run off the stage hysterically after finding that the man she was “2,000% sure” was the father of her child actually wasn’t.

Trisha Jones -First person to have “been had” something (i.e. - “You just now getting that new Kenny Lattimore CD? Man, I been had that”).

Jason Hill - First person to purchase $2 worth of gas at a gas station.

Deon Travis: First man to dance on stage after being declared “not the father” on the Maury show.

LEONARD HILL, JR.: First person to get a “rest in peace” tattoo (in honor of his wife, which read ‘R.I.P BESSIE, 1884-1913/SEE YOU AT THE CROSSROADS’).

DELORES “BIG MAMA” COLE: First person to refer to diabetes as “the sugar.”

Tiana Humphries - First woman to walk into a salon and request that her hair be “fried, dyed, and laid to the side.”

AMBROSE WILLOBY: First person to tell someone that they “don’t know nothin’ bout this HEAH!”

Tenitra Hollbrook - First person to thank a player hater for hating.

RITA RODRICKS: First person to use the phrase “I will cut you” in an argument.

Tamika Bunsen -First to begin a sentence with the phrase “me myself personally…”

SAMUEL HINKLEY, JR.: First person to take a picture in front of an airbrushed backdrop featuring symbols of wealth (i.e. - cars, champagne, stacks of money, etc.).

RUTHIE MCCAULEY: First person to inform somebody that she “don’t have to do sh** but stay black and die.”

VONIQUE BATES: First person to successfully slap the black off of someone’s a**.

THALMA MARTIN: Cultivator of the “ni**a please” expression.

MAYBELL BROWN: First person to cover a piece of furniture in plastic for everyday use.

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