Thursday, October 29, 2009

How Do You Pronounce Her Name???

How would you pronounce this child's name?
She spells her name... "Le-a"

So... how would YOU pronounce her name?

Leah? .............. NO.
Lee - A? ........... NOPE.
Lay - a? .......... NOT A CHANCE.
Lei?................... NICE TRY...BUT... GUESS AGAIN!
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. She says it's pronounced... "Ledasha"
When the Mother was asked how in the world she figured it should be pronounced that way, she said, "Cause the dash don't be silent!"

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

A Gynecologist Story

A beautiful woman went to the gynecologist. The doctor took one look at the woman and all his professionalism flew out the window.

He immediately told her to get undressed. After she disrobed, the doctor began to stroke her thigh. While doing so he asked her, 'Do you know what I am doing?'
'Yes,' she replied, 'You are checking for abrasions or Dermatological abnormalities.'
'That's right,' said the doctor.

He then began to fondle her Breasts. 'Do you know what I am doing now?' he asked.
'Yes,' she said, 'You are checking for lumps which might indicate Breast cancer.'
'Correct,' replied the shady doctor.

Finally, he mounted his Patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, 'Do you know what I am doing now?'

'Yes,' she said, 'You're getting syphilis...which is why I came here in the first place.'

AFV - Finalist LMAO!!!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Social Security 2010

2010 is an election year for 1/3 of the senate and all of the house of representatives. It would be nice if congress got the
message; the voting taxpayers are in charge now.

Social Security 2009


Perhaps we are asking the wrong questions during election years. Our Senators and Congresswomen do not pay into Social Security and, of course, they do not collect from it.

You see, Social Security benefits were not suitable for persons of their rare elevation in society. They felt they should have a special plan for themselves. So, many years ago they voted in their own benefit plan.

In more recent years, no congress person has felt the need to change it. After all, it is a great plan.

For all practical purposes their plan works like this: When they retire, they continue to draw the same pay until they die. Except it may increase from time to time for cost of living adjustments.

For example, Senator Byrd and Congressman White and their wives may expect to draw $7, 800,000.00 (that's Seven Million, Eight-Hundred Thousand Dollars), with their wives drawing $275, 000.00 during the last years of their lives. This is calculated on an average life span for each of those Dignitaries. Younger Dignitaries who retire at an early age, will receive much more during the rest of their lives.

Their cost for this excellent plan to them is $0.00. NADA!!! ZILCH!!!

This little perk they voted for themselves is free to them. You and I pick up the tab for this plan. The funds for this fine retirement plan come directly from the General Funds, "OUR TAX DOLLARS AT WORK!"

From our own Social Security Plan, which you and I pay (or have paid) into, every payday until we retire (which amount is matched by our employer), we can expect to get an average of $1,000 per month after retirement.

Or, in other words, we would have to collect our average of $1,000 monthly benefits for 68 years and one (1) month to equal Senator Bill Bradley's benefits!

Social Security could be very good if only one small change were made. That change would be to Jerk the Golden Fleece Retirement Plan from under the Senators and Congressmen. Put them into the Social Security plan with the rest of us...then sit back...... and see how fast they would fix it!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Tribute To Michael Jackson - 7 Voices

In The News - Baldy Locks And The Three Sheers

True Story

Man Busted For Shaving Woman's Head in Springfield, IL.

Officials in Springfield, Illinois say they arrested a man early Saturday morning for shaving a woman's head. Joshua Curtis went downtown with officers after they say he used a pair of clippers to shave off the victim's hair. The woman said she did not need to go to the hospital, but the police report from the arrest lists her injuries as "shaved hair" and "emotional distress." It's not clear how Curtis knew the woman, why he cut her hair, or who called the police. Officers are also not saying if alcohol played a part in the "crime."

Monday, October 5, 2009

Friday, October 2, 2009

True Love - LMAO!!


Remember Hollywood Squares?

These great questions and answers are from the original Hollywood Squares game show...back when the responses were spontaneous, not scripted...and Peter Marshall was the host.

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries....are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q.. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.