Status Symbol Update
By Patricia BeauchampFriday, December 26, 2008; Page A23
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Monday, December 29, 2008
Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See
- Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
- Impotence..Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"
- The proctologist called ...they found your head..
- Everyone has a photographic memory ...some just don't have any film.
- Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
- Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
- Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one..
- Some people just don't know how to drive... I call these people "Everybody But Me,"
- Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.
- Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
- Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.
Hang up and drive!!
And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See!!
Welcome to Canada ...now speak English
Letter To Santa From Little Johnny
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I wouldn't do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucke d me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now
since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
p.s. you fat mother-fucker
You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school. I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I wouldn't do for humanity. What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the fuck were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you've taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year to come out with some shit like this under the tree. As if you hadn't fucke d me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can't even walk into his house. Please don't let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I'll fuck you up. I'll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you'll have to walk back to the fucking North Pole, just like what I have to do now
since you didn't get me that fucking bike. FUCK YOU SANTA. Next year you'll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF-A-BITCH.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
p.s. you fat mother-fucker
Friday, December 19, 2008
The Crosswalk
People tend to complain about the cross they bear but don't realize it is preparing them for the dip in the road that God can see and they cannot.
Whatever your cross, whatever your pain......
there will always be sunshine, after the rain.......
there will always be sunshine, after the rain.......
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; But God's always ready, to answer your call....
He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips, can calm every fear...
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night, But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light...
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above, to give you His grace, and send you His love.
What a wonderfully fuzzy message.
What a wonderfully fuzzy message.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Joke Of The Week - Hillarious!
A stranger was seated next to a little black girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "Since you are a Negro, do you think that So-called President Elect Barak Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.
"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barak Obama... when you don't know shit?"
The little girl, who had just opened her coloring book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "Since you are a Negro, do you think that So-called President Elect Barak Obama is qualified for the job?" and he smiles.
"OK", she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass -. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss President Barak Obama... when you don't know shit?"
Monday, December 15, 2008
Never Complain About Your Kids Again
Repeat after me.....
I will never complain about my kids again!!!!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
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