Saturday, February 27, 2010

Joy Behar Show - LOL

BEHAR: Ok, let`s turn to another darling of the right, Ms. Sarah Palin, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush made some interesting comments about the former Alaska governor. Watch this.


JEB BUSH (R), FORMER GOVERNOR OF FLORIDA: My personal belief is that for Governor Palin to be a successful candidate for higher office, she needs to take this charisma she has and also add to it some depth of understanding of the complexity of life that we`re living in today.


BEHAR: He should know, his brother is George Bush.

LIZ WINSTEAD: And very complex.

BEHAR: Hello.

Let me ask you, Maxine, is this a back-handed compliment or a straightforward diss?

MAXINE WATERS: Well, it`s about what most people are saying about Sarah Palin. She`s entertaining. She`s rallying the crowds. She makes for good theater. All of that.

But it`s not going to translate into the presidency simply because the consensus is that she does not run deeply enough. That she is not well prepared. That she simply is not ready to be the President of the United States.

I think you will hear that kind of conversation going on about her all the time.

BEHAR: Right. And Ron, let me ask you. Palin`s spokeswoman quit. Do you know why she might have quit?

RON REAGAN: Well, she said she wanted to spend more time with her family and perhaps she did. But maybe she thought that she was involved in a legitimate political movement or political campaign for the presidency. And maybe she came to the realizations the person she was backing, working for really was totally unqualified and unsuited to that job as Jeb Bush rather explicitly suggested.

BEHAR: What do you think?

WINSTEAD: I think when you sign on with Sarah Palin, after 10 seconds of being around her, you should know that. Like how -- why did it take this woman so long to quit?

I mean I look at -- and listen to Jeb Bush and basically what I hear him saying is wow, the thing about Sarah Palin is if we could just harness all that charisma and sort of thrust it onto a carcass with a brain that would be awesome.

BEHAR: You know, sometimes I wonder if this kind of thing we do about Sarah Palin helps her, you know, calling her dumb and implying that --

WINSTEAD: I don`t have to call her dumb.

BEHAR: -- I`m just wondering -- I know. I wonder though because we are taking so -- having so much fun on this woman. I don`t know, I`m developing a stutter as a result of it.

You know, Ron, the GOP loves to bring your father, Ronald Reagan, into any discussion whenever possible. So it`s no surprise they dug up some of his comments from 1961 to support their opposition to health care reform. Let`s listen.


RONALD REAGAN, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: One of the traditional methods of imposing statism or socialism on a people has been by way of medicine. It`s very easy to disguise a medical program as a humanitarian project. From here it`s a short step to all the rest of socialism.


BEHAR: Wasn`t your father talking about Medicare?

RON REAGAN: Yes, he was. Well, what would become Medicare eventually and he went on to say that if you`re going to socialize the doctor, you`ll socialize the patient and he talked about the doctors being told where to live and all that.

Well, guess what? We`ve had Medicare now for almost half a century and none of those things have happened. My father happened to have been wrong in his assessment there.


RON REAGAN: But it`s no secret that the Republicans like to quote from it anyway.

WINSTEAD: He was a ground breaker in the pushing the socialism agenda, Ron.

RON REAGAN: Yes, it`s true. Way ahead of Sarah Palin.

GRIFFIN: Way ahead of everybody.

REAGAN: He didn`t do death panels though. He stayed away from the death panels.

BEHAR: Yes, go ahead, Maxine.

WATERS: The interesting thing about Ronald Reagan was he really believed that. You know what I`m saying? He wasn`t a phony. He wasn`t a fake about it. He really believed that and I have the greatest respect for Ron Jr. because he is philosophically different. And --

BEHAR: And takes a lot --

WATERS: -- he`s not afraid to say so.

BEHAR: -- and takes a lot of flak from the right wing because he doesn`t go --

WATERS: That`s right.

BEHAR: -- lock step with his father.

WATERS: Absolutely, so --

BEHAR: I mean, as if the man is not allowed to think for himself, it`s ridiculous.

But you know the GOP is always trotting out Ronald Reagan. What, I mean, can`t they come up with something new? This was 50 years ago.

GRIFFIN: Well, I know.

RON REAGAN: Yes, who would they come up with?

WATERS: They love him and every building in this country is going to be named after him, every bridge, every factory.

RON REAGAN: Which means it will also be named after me, which I love.

WATERS: I love it, that`s right, that`s true, that`s true.

BEHAR: That`s true, I forgot about that.

But I mean, in the recording, Reagan says doctors are going to be told where to live, where to practice. He was the original fearmongerer, too. I hate to say it.


RON REAGAN: Yes, he was -- but he was wrong, as we now see. And you know, Rush Limbaugh can quote this all he wants but he`s just reminding people that my father in this instance was wrong. Maxine is right, though, he`s very sincere and he`s wrong.

WATERS: Because Rush Limbaugh is no Ronald Reagan.

RON REAGAN: No, that`s for sure.

BEHAR: Yes, all right, thanks, everybody.

RON REAGAN: Thank you Joy.

BEHAR: Very interesting.

aired 2/25

Friday, February 19, 2010

The Mayonnaise Jar

The Mayonnaise Jar

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough;
remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, wordlessly,
he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
and start to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
it into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again
if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand
and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded
With an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table
and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively
filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - God, family,
children, health, friends, and favorite passions
Things that if everything else was lost
and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --
The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued,
'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are
important to you.


Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time
to clean the house and fix the dripping tap.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand
and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.

'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Confucius Say.....

"If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search, you are obviously in the . . ."

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Stella Awards

It's time again for the annual Stella Awards

For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that....right?

These are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S.

Here are the 2009 Stellas:


Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.


Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.


Terrence Dickson, of Bristol, Pennsylvania, who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue Mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson 500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.


Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.


Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms.. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?


Kara Walton, of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000...oh, yeah, plus dental expenses. Go figure.


This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set…The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?

$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid...or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

I Was Wondering....

When the hell is spring coming??

Monday, February 15, 2010

Feeling Old??

  • I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia and poor circulation. Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

  • I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.. But, by the time I got my leotards on, The class was over.

  • It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.

  • These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief”

  • THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference..

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The 09 Woman Drivers Award

10th Place Goes To:

9th Place Goes To:

8th Place Goes To:

7th Place Goes To:

6th Place Goes To:

5th Place Goes To:

4th Place Goes To:

The Bronze Medal Winner:
The Silver Medal Winner: (and yes her helmet is backwards)
And finally....The 2009 Gold Medal Winner:

Friday, February 12, 2010

Always Ask...Never Assume

His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, "Let's go."
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, "Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides."
"Why?" asked the pilot.
"Because I'm a photographer for CNN", he responded, "and I need to get some close up shots."
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, "So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?"

Thursday, February 11, 2010

News We Abuse

Pakistani diplomat Akbar Zeb had a long and distinguished career as a high-level government official until recently, when he was nominated as ambassador to Saudi Arabia.

Pakistani officials were confused though, when Saudi officials immediately rejected Akbar's nomination without the usual debate or American styled vetting process.

As it turns out, the Saudi's were offended because in Arabic, the name, Akbar Zeb, translates into the phrase........."Biggest Dick!!!"

The Arabian Times reports that Akbar had been previously rejected as ambassador to both Bahrain and the United Arab Emirates and was turned down there as well.

Apparently, they've just now figured out why. LOL!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Find Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following the simple advice heard on the Oprah show, you too can find inner peace.

Dr. Oz proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning....

I finished off a bottle of Zinfandel, a bottle of Tequila, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now!

Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Jon Stewart On The O'Reilly Factor

So there's no confusion....I'm TEAM JON!!!

Jon on O'Reilly Show

The Original "Pants On The Ground"

General Larry Platt's song "Pants on The Ground" is a take off of the Green Brothers song Back Pockets On The Floor.
Back Pockets On The Floor was written by G. Green and was copyrighted and recorded by the Green Brothers in 1996.
The General's song has the same intent, idea and in part the same message. YOU BE THE JUDGE.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Wedding

You have just made it through your wedding ceremony and have stepped out on the front steps of the church.

The photographer raises his camera. Following a family tradition, both of you hold white doves...which you will release together.

You and your new bride stand shoulder to shoulder with a dove in your hands as your friends and family eagerly wait.

The photographer gives the signal and you and your bride open your hands toward the sky. Not a dry eye anywhere. The camera flashes....and the moment is saved for eternity.