Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Hillary Yells At Chelsea
After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a goodtime.
Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's in love.
Hillary said, 'You didn't have sex, did you'?
Chelsea said, 'Not according to Dad.'
Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's in love.
Hillary said, 'You didn't have sex, did you'?
Chelsea said, 'Not according to Dad.'
Monday, April 28, 2008
Look To The Sky
When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky..........
Just go back in the house and stay there. It probably isn't going to be a good day.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
The Moral Of The Story Is....... LOL
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment...
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying, broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah."
Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. She landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying, broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah."
Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. She landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.
Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Ricky Smiley
The Pastor would like to thank all of you who paid your tithes last week. With the high price of gas -- every little bit helps. And, he wanted us to mention that if you write a check, please make sure that it does not bounce. He said that you are still encouraged to pay your tithes and God only wants 10%, but if your check bounces we gone take 25%.
From the health ministry: The usher board has asked those frequent shouters who routinely pass out on the altar to please wear clean underwear. Let your praise be holy, not your draws. Amen.
The deacon board has brought this to our attention also if you are one of the people that got tapped on your shoulder Sunday morning, make sure you pick up your Altoids at the hospitality desk before entering the sanctuary. Saints, lets not let our breath hinder our neighbor's praise.
Special Note: We would like to apologize for those who came out to the Youth Explosion conference last night. The youth choir's remix of Shake that Laffy Taffy was totally unexpected. The youth director has been reprimanded and will issue a formal apology Sunday morning. Also, for those who witnessed Mother Gree n getting up and doing the Laffy Taffy dance, and are concerned, she is doing fine. She is in Methodist North recovering well .
Saints, don't forget about the Chitlin dinner this evening. If you haven't already placed your order, call the church office. And for those who are a little skeptical after the last Chitlin dinner, please feel at ease knowing that Pastor Happy has prayed over the Chitlins and no one from the Drug Rehab Ministry was involved in the preparation this time.
Pastor has requested that all "dark-skinned" members sit in the light during night service. Last Wednesday he heard voices in the dark and thought they were demons.
Please govern yourselves.
Life Lessons
Its important in life to reach out, to strive for greater achievements, to go for the greener grass on the other side of the fence........
But one must also be careful.
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