Monday, April 28, 2008

Look To The Sky

When you walk out the door in the morning and see this in the sky..........

Just go back in the house and stay there. It probably isn't going to be a good day.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Friday, April 25, 2008

The Moral Of The Story Is....... LOL

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment...
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying, broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.

We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah."

Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break. She landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.

Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke.

Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the hell away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Ricky Smiley

The Pastor would like to thank all of you who paid your tithes last week. With the high price of gas -- every little bit helps. And, he wanted us to mention that if you write a check, please make sure that it does not bounce. He said that you are still encouraged to pay your tithes and God only wants 10%, but if your check bounces we gone take 25%.

From the health ministry: The usher board has asked those frequent shouters who routinely pass out on the altar to please wear clean underwear. Let your praise be holy, not your draws. Amen.

The deacon board has brought this to our attention also if you are one of the people that got tapped on your shoulder Sunday morning, make sure you pick up your Altoids at the hospitality desk before entering the sanctuary. Saints, lets not let our breath hinder our neighbor's praise.

Special Note: We would like to apologize for those who came out to the Youth Explosion conference last night. The youth choir's remix of Shake that Laffy Taffy was totally unexpected. The youth director has been reprimanded and will issue a formal apology Sunday morning. Also, for those who witnessed Mother Gree n getting up and doing the Laffy Taffy dance, and are concerned, she is doing fine. She is in Methodist North recovering well .

Saints, don't forget about the Chitlin dinner this evening. If you haven't already placed your order, call the church office. And for those who are a little skeptical after the last Chitlin dinner, please feel at ease knowing that Pastor Happy has prayed over the Chitlins and no one from the Drug Rehab Ministry was involved in the preparation this time.

Pastor has requested that all "dark-skinned" members sit in the light during night service. Last Wednesday he heard voices in the dark and thought they were demons.

Please govern yourselves.

Life Lessons

Its important in life to reach out, to strive for greater achievements, to go for the greener grass on the other side of the fence........
But one must also be careful.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Phonetic Speller

This letter makes Jessica Simpson look like a rocket scientist.
Its so pitiful, I had to share it.

re: Resimay

To hoom it mae cunsern,

I waunt to apply for the job what I saw in the paper. I can Type real quik wit one finggar and do sum a counting. I think I am good on the phone and no I am a pepole person, Pepole really seam to respond to me well. Certain men and all the ladies.

Im lookin for a Jobb as a reporter but it musent be to complicaited. I no my spelling is not to good but find that I Offen can get a job thru my persinalety. My salerery is open so we can discus wat you want to pay me and wat you think that I am werth, I can start imeditely. Thank you in advanse fore yore anser.

hopifuly Yore best aplicant so farr.

BRYAN nikname Beefy
PS : Because my resimay is a bit short - below is a pickture of me.

I didn't include his picture because I don't want to perpetuate negative stereotypes

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Federal Judge Rules Black Woman Cannot Name Their Children

Federal Judge: Enough With the Stupid Names
March 2, 2008 · By Bill Matthews

After Judge Cabrera’s historic ruling, little Clitoria Jackson will likely undergo a name change.

(DETROIT) In a decision that’s expected to send shockwaves through the African-American community—and yet, give much relief to teachers everywhere—a federal judge ruled today that black women no longer have independent naming rights for their children. Too many black children—and many adults—bear names that border on not even being words, he said. “I am simply tired of these ridiculous names black women are giving their children,” said U.S. Federal Judge Ryan Cabrera before rendering his decision. “Someone had to put a stop to it.” The rule applies to all black women, but Cabrera singled out impoverished mothers. “They are the worst perpetrators,” he said. “They put in apostrophes where none are needed. They think a ‘Q’ is a must. There was a time when Shaniqua and Tawanda were names you dreaded. Now, if you’re a black girl, you hope you get a name as sensible as one of those.”

Few stepped forward to defend black women—and black women themselves seemed relieved. “It’s so hard to keep coming up with something unique,” said Uneeqqi Jenkins, 22, an African-American mother of seven who survives on public assistance. Her children are named Daryl, Q’Antity, Uhlleejsha, Cray-Ig, Fellisittee, Tay’Sh’awn and Day’Shawndra.

Beginning in one week, at least three white people must agree with the name before a black mother can name her child.“Hopefully we can see a lot more black children with sensible names like Jake and Connor,” Cabrera said. His ruling stemmed from a lawsuit brought by a 13-year-old girl whose mother created her name using Incan hieroglyphics. “She said it would make me stand out,” said the girl, whose name can’t be reproduced by The Peoples News’ technology. “But it’s really just stupid.”

The National Association of Elementary School Teachers celebrated Cabrera’s decision.“Oh my God, the first day of school you’d be standing there sweating, looking at the list of names wondering ‘How do I pronounce Q’J’Q’Sha.’?” said Joyce Harmon, NAEST spokeswoman. “Is this even English?”

The practice of giving black children outlandish names began in the 1960s, when blacks were getting in touch with their African roots, said historian Corlione Vest. But even he admits it got out of hand. “I have a niece who’s six. I’m embarrassed to say I can’t even pronounce her name,” said Vest, a professor at Princeton University. “Whenever I want to talk to her, I just wait until she looks at me and then I wave her over.”

Monday, April 7, 2008

Mommy Tattoos - LOL

More Gross Punctuation

This cute baby yorkie left us a stinky little present in the form of a question mark.

Gross Punctuation - Not for the faint of heart

Exclamation point.....period!