The Best New Year’s Resolutions For 2011

1. Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump

2. Always “check for paper” when leaving the restroom

3. try to drive closer to the speed limit.

4. Always wear clean underwear, “just in case”.

5. Keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

6. No longer park the BMW next to fire hydrants.

7. Never again try to diffuse an explosive device with the help of a known practical joker

8. Avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water

9. Never again eat a Durian before going to a public function

10. Leave the details off of Facebook

Best Celebrity Resolution

Oprah Winfrey – “Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.”