DRUNK DRIVING

Your Honor, I plead NOT guilty. I did not see a light...and besides, there is no light on that corner. I checked the next morning........
Here's a hard core drinker and one tough Dodge truck!

The driver hit the left turn light and sheared off the light post at the base, and then kept driving on about 2 miles to Squires Four Pub, where he stopped for more beer!!

How impaired do you have to be to NOT notice that you are carrying a stop light? (I Wonder if the light was green?)

The truck was towed about 2.5 miles to the Vernon towing yard, with the light still pinched between the two tow hooks and the bumper bent around it.

It took several good hard pulls with a backhoe to get the pole free.

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Negative People

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.


A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:


" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"


"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!!!


"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"


"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."


"Don't go any further" said the hairdresser. "I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."


"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."


"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're
going to need it."


A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .


"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continentals brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot."


"And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"


"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."


"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me." "Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."


"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"


He said: "Who fucked up your hair?

VOTE FOR THIS GIRL!!!!!

Martin Lawrence Presents 1st Amendment Stand Up Presents Nikki Carr

Needs Mayo