Thursday, April 30, 2009

Health Warning From A Friend At The CDC

Health Warning: ***DO NOT DO THIS!!!***

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I Love Barack


You won't see this photo on CNN. Everyone is too busy showing the Queen being touched. This was a moment of "touching" that won't be forgotten by this bobby.

"This is the most powerful photo in the series. Remember they are not supposed to shake hands, but the two brothers couldn't resist the historic moment. The black royal cop never imagined in his wildest dream that he would usher a black American president into the British corridors of power. Nice."

Monday, April 13, 2009

Joke Of The Week

One day a mother was working in the kitchen and listening to her son playing with his new electric trains in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now because this is the last stop. All of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train now, because we're leaving."

The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now go to your room for two hours. When you come down, you may play with your trains as long as you use proper language."

Two hours later, the mother was still working in the kitchen when her son came out of his room and resumed playing with his trains. The train stopped and the mother heard, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. For those just boarding, we ask you to stow your hand luggage under the seat and we hope you enjoy your trip. For those of your who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."

The Burglar And The Parrot

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you."

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again. "Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

Frightened the burglar stopped dead again. Frantically he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage. In the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot, "Was that you who said, Jesus is watching you?"

"Yes," said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then asked the parrot, "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the parrot.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot replied, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."

Friday, April 10, 2009

Testosterone

A woman went to her doctor for a followup visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.

"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."

The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"

"On my balls."

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Happy 50th Barbie...

Welcome to the club!!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Joke Of The Week

A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him."

His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh...well...ah....well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again."

And the boys says, "Well, that wont work!"

His mom says, "Why?"

And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

Rapping Flight Attendant