Thursday, May 29, 2008

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

The Day The Penis Asked For A Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to possible contagious diseases..

Sincerely,
P. Niss

THE RESPONSE:

Dear Mr. Niss,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are often unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed your assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Message for A FAMOUS MALE ACTOR - you know who you are!



This dude says he knows you from back in the day.
He wants your number. What do you want me to do?

What the HEck is This?



QUESTION: What is that? Is that an asshole or something more sinister?

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Cosby-isms




'They're standing on the corner and they can't speak English.
I can't even talk the way these people talk:

Why you ain't,
Where you is,
What he drive,
Where he stay,
Where he work,
Who you be...

And I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk. And then I heard the father talk. Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth. In fact you will never get any kind of job making a decent living.

People marched and were hit in the face with rocks to get an Education, and now we've got these knuckleheads walking around.

The lower economic people are not holding up their end in this deal.
These people are not parenting. They are buying things for kids.
$500 sneakers for what ? ? And they won't spend $200 for Hooked on Phonics.

I am talking about these people who cry when their son is standing there in an orange suit.

Where were you when he was 2 ? ?
Where were you when he was 12 ? ?
Where were you when he was 18 and how come you didn't know that he had a pistol ? ? And where is the father ? ? Or who is his father ?

People putting their clothes on backward:
Isn't that a sign of something gone wrong? People with their hats on backward, pants down around the crack, isn't that a sign of something ? Or are you waiting for Jesus to pull his pants up ? Isn't it a sign of something when she has her dress all the way up and got all type of needles [piercing] going through her body?

What part of Africa did this come from??
We are not Africans. Those people are not Africans; they don't know a thing about Africa . With names like Shaniqua, Taliqua and Mohammed and all of that crap . . .. . . and all of them are in jail.

Brown or black versus the Board of Education is no longer the white person's problem. We have got to take the neighborhood back.

People used to be ashamed. Today a woman has eight children with eight different 'husbands' -- or men or whatever you call them now.
We have millionaire football players who cannot read. We have million-dollar basketball players who can't write two paragraphs. We, as black folks have to do a better job.

Someone working at Wal-Mart with seven kids, you are hurting us.
We have to start holding each other to a higher standard.

We cannot blame the white people any longer.'

Dr. William Henry 'Bill' Cosby, Jr., Ed.D.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Does This Outfit Make Me Look Fat?

video

Smell Yo Dick - The Official Video

This is extra crispy ghetto


Talking Dogs

Hillary Yells At Chelsea

After Chelsea returned from a date, Hillary asked her if she had a goodtime.

Chelsea said she had a wonderful time and thinks she's in love.

Hillary said, 'You didn't have sex, did you'?

Chelsea said, 'Not according to Dad.'